Healed. :-D Praise Be!
I find the previous blog post immensely laughable now.
I think the good things that came about from that confusion much surpasses the uncertainty, which at a few points caused me alot of pain. However, it has turned me back to Him, through finally finding a prayer group (Bec's, Just's, Ali's) and constant prayer.
Fusion was ear-deafening, but the Spirit came and administered at times. I don't think I've prayed with so much earnestness and sincerity in my life that night. Cell was good, and it spoke to me on so, so many levels. We're currently doing Revelations, and Uncle Robbie said that in order to be a true servant of God, you must pass through God's first fire, so as to ensure rapture.
His fire, though initially intimidating, is the warmest, more loving and gentle fire that one can expect. There is a cost of being Christian : that is,
to lift everything that you treasure up to Him, and have Faith. Not just belief, but FAITH. Then, it was at the moment when
I realised, what caused me so much hurt was because I didn't want to give up what I treasured - and the thing I treasured was causing me the pain, but I was trying my best to salvage and hold on to it, because I WANTED to. And when you give it up to Him, it may hurt at first, but He will return it to you, maybe not the same, but definitely much better, and plentifold.
Thank you, Lord.
And also another point about pride. That Man (usually men Uncle Robbie claims, but I disagree, women also) don't wish to admit their wrongs, and like to think that they know where they are going. "Yes, of course I know where I'm headed." kind of mentality, to keep travelling on the road, because they reckon they will somehow, eventually hit somewhere near whereever they might be headed. But women, they actually stop, pause, think, reflect and ask for directions "Um, hey where do I go now? I'm confused."
But men? Maybe it's pride, or the male ego. But how often it applies to all of us. I have ruined many a relationship because of pride, I suppose. The reluctance to back down first...and then I realise...in the end, I am the one backing down, because the other person either 1)has more pride than I do, 2)it's easier for me to step down and swallow my dignity 3)I care too much about the other person to wish for things to continue in this stalemate, but then it's a 2nd slap in the face, when the other person doesn't accept or warm up to your sincerest efforts to go back to where we were, and also...doesn't tell me what is going on, and leaves me puzzled, and more hurt than if he/she were to tell me what's in their heart.
Like Seow said, honesty is the best policy. And I guess I have never experienced it, because I still can't swallow that bitter pill and evil sin of Pride.
I'm sorry, Father.
Read Judges, to overcome your Fear.
Cheryl. aka Chers, Sim, Simster. 6th September 1989. Je suis enfant de Dieu. Child of Jehovah. BRMC Shineforth. Loves cathartic movies, books, musik, shopping, swimming, and jumping about crazily in the safe abode of my home. Enjoys flowers, cold weather, rainy days, long telephone conversations, wee hours of the morning, ice cold latte with whipped cream and a cookie on the side, meeting new people, church-going and my friends.